Revolutionaryist

Here is the 2nd and last episode (for now…) of the kids show that I wrote with my friend. Enjoy again!

Here is an episode of a kids show that I wrote with my friend. Enjoy!

Here’s me in Triple J magazine sharing an embarrassing story. Yes, it actually happened.

I sure do. But somehow I doubt that I feel as strongly about it as this lady does.

Here is a sketch I wrote one day some days ago.

So I had a comedy debate with Shappi Khorsandi about chocolate in the Herald Sun today, but they accidentally put our photos next to each others responses. So I thought I’d share my side here: 

I’ve known instinctively for a long time that chocolate is bad, but for this debate I wanted to be sure, so I began my research by eating an entire block of chocolate. I tried to stop there, but the more I ate, the more I wanted. I shared the second block with my dog, who scoffed it down and then quickly keeled over. Strange how an animal that is able to eat it’s own feces can’t handle a delicious desert.

This disturbed me. How could something so highly addictive and harmful to dogs be legal? Not only that, how could we make it accessible to children?

As I rushed my dog to the vet, and ate my third block, I reflected on the impact chocolate has had on my life. I soon realise it’s had an iron grip on me since childhood. I ate it whenever I could, and was simply unmanageable when I couldn’t. Easter was my favourite holiday. I remember getting what seemed like a mountain of chocolate, eating it all before 9 am, and then crying because I ate it all before 9 am.

Sitting in the waiting room of the vets, I downed a bottle of orange juice and started on my fourth block. My stomach started to churn and I could feel that something wasn’t right. There are several widely known reasons why chocolate isn’t good for you: it encourages obesity, causes aging, and results in diabetes. I just felt that there must be something far more sinister behind this devil of a drug.

Channeling Sherlock Holmes, I Googled “chocolate” on my smart phone. Turns out, chocolate contains Phenyl ethylamine, a chemical that our body produces naturally when one is happily in love. No wonder it’s so addictive… and that I always seem to crave it when I’m sobbing in the fetal position backstage after a bad gig.

The long-term effect of overdosing on the ‘love chemical’ may mean that our bodies are eventually unable to produce it altogether. So chocolate, often used on Valentines as a symbol of love, actually eradicates our ability to do just that.

When the nurse told me they couldn’t save my dog, she held out a tissue. I took it and dabbed the chocolate from the corner of my mouth, realising too late it was meant for tears that simply wouldn’t come… Then it hits me. Chocolate. This is all chocolate’s fault. Chocolate has taken away my dog, and more importantly, my ability to feel.

I threw the remaining 8 blocks of chocolate onto the ground, run out of the vet and swore never to touch chocolate again.

So next time you’re reaching for some chocolate, remember this story, and give someone a hug instead.

Yes, I have met you before.

I know you don’t remember. That’s fine.

I had noticed that your head was so far up your own arse, and therefore assumed that you couldn’t see anything or anyone.

So please don’t apologise… I’m really not offended.

Dear Mr Heckler,

I love you. I really do. You may find this surprising, but let me tell you why I love you…

It’s because someone has to. Clearly your parents never did.

Whenever I hear you yelling some nonsense at me on stage, I only ever want to ask you one question:

Do you need a hug?

I’ll certainly be happy to give you one. For now, please SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Your friend,

Laura

Sometimes when I am in a conversation, I feel like the Captain of a boat sailing through a sea of bullshit.

I’m always searching for the truth. I hardly ever find it.

Bored? Watch this then.